the back of the saddle

i swear i saw children today at the community college.

children that looked like they could be in middle school...

they were just walking around, carrying books and bags, looking as if they were going to class...

i guess it's not a big deal.

but is it that kids these days look that young???

one girl is 16, works, and looks like she could be my older sister then another kid looks about 10 and says he just graduated high school.

both seem infinitely young to me in different ways. but then, when i think about it... people that i think aren't much older think i am a child.

am i a child? maybe to my parents and maybe to others older than me... but am i a child to myself?

i think... at least for now... the answer is yes. i often dream of embodying the essence of what i thought "an adult" was supposed to be.

i wonder if i'll finally be an adult to myself when i am an old woman in others' eyes.